Thorns

life is going through hell
dont know when i would reach heaven
the passage is very clear,
but defined, with thorns

the sun never shown
darkness around
even on the otherside
i dreamt wildly

stars were burning red
the moon was not round
clouds started to wash away
i decided to wash all the sins that i carried around

i woke up with nothing in my mind
there was invisibility around me
i was floating in the air
still with thorns everywere

i prayed hard
i wanted to cry
but something made me laugh
something, that made me cry.

mind

Mind could work hard in whatever it has to decide
It could take turns, deviations, fly, swim and what not
It is like a rainbow, which has all the colors
But not seen that easily

When we are alone, we start digging ourselves
We tend to get confused, irritated, & frustrated
We cannot accept any compromise
We cannot clean the roads we are taking

I see the long lanes ahead of me
But the destination is not yet found
The greenery around me says
U r on the right track

The flowers, between the shrubs
Trying to talk to me, comfort me
Trying to create a zone of love, care & understanding
Trying to shower their beliefs all around me

The thorns trying to pull me towards it
Trying to show that its all worse ahead
Trying to poke me with hatred
It’s theirs and my end

Still I want to cross those lanes
Still I want to go ahead
Accepting all truths
Accepting my mind

am in cochin

hi .. i am in cochin right now, sitting in front of the computer to write something about the time that i spent this time here.. well well, its like a jounalist talk right?? as usual, i am here in gods own country in my nativ place.. shuttling between my grannys and kannans house... well maintaining the happiness they all expect from me.. giving them all the smiles... and hiding all the worry lines that has slowly started apearing.... everything went fine.. the pooja at pambemekaadu temple (the snake temple), was well done by the 'thirumeni' and we had the blessings of getting inside the 'naalukettu' and the vision was really more than the common eyes experience.. there was the 'keda villuke' which only very few people had the liberty to view and get the blessings. so over all the gods have blessed us..

Its so hot in kerala this time of the year... may b chennai is not so hot. but ernakulam is my place.. how muchever it gets hotter, i can never hate my place.. i know its nook and corner and each road is familiar to me.. i have grown up walking through those roads.. these roads have held me up high and has without any complaints carried me and my past truly , passionately and indifferently.. it has allways been there with me in my rough times.. anyway dont think its strange to talk about the roads of kerala.. but i feel that one should experience it, as when someone is hurt or angry or frustrated and u cannot show it to anyone... just talk a long walk and pheeewwwwwwwwwwww........ there goes all of it.. it makes u understand yourself and gives u time to think of what u did and what u were going to do...
my time in kerala is ending with just one more day to go.. tommorow i take off to chennai and would be coming back in april for my bros marriage.. so chaooo

today

World cannot give u all the happiness
The happiness u lack is the happiness of ur friends and foes
For others I m just a friend, daughter or wife
What am I … for myself is yet to be found

Self realization is one word that has to be defined
The definition can be an elaborate or a simple one
But that is a long way to go
I have to wake up before I sleep again & moan

Life can take u in different directions
But it is up to u to choose the way
It should be a way were all ur worries end
It should be a way were all ur doubts forgo

Desiring and dreaming for yet a gr8 day to come
Where everything related to me would be in my stride
I walk around all the unknown streets
Breaking my head around & slipping by

old friends

hey.. i am happy today for the fact that, i am getting my old friends back in to my life... so happy that, may be i did not know happiness for a long time.. i am thrilled.., excited, and what not.. i never ever thought i would get them back again.. well i know that earth is a small place and u may find ur lost friends at any part of the globe... but it never comes in to ur mind... we would be on our journey from a girl to womanhood and from a single life to a house keeper.. and in between, we loose a lot of things... our situations would be different.. life wud be really really not to our satisfaction and adjustment paves way for us to lead a 'ok' life..

suddenly, when we hear a hi from someone very close to us, its like u got the globe in ur hand.. and that u r just orbiting the universe..
i hope this happiness never ends...

chengalath tharavadu

I belong to the great chengalath family, and i was very happy to know there exixts a community in orkut too.. i dont know most of the people, or i would say the current generation.. when i was small, my grand ma used to take me to my 'tharavadu' in kannur and we all used to meet up.. there is a devi temple near it, which i still remember and lots of memories with it.. i dont know whether the puthiya veedu and ambuja valliammas tharavadu is still there .. lots of memories with it too.. gosh, i really feel to be there once again , spend like old times, how happy we all were..
i remember the time we had ,during that big pooja which lasted for around ten days or so and we all were staying together at payaye veedu .. me, raghumama's daughter krishna, girija ammayis sons, sunil and manju , padmini valiammas son, puthiya veetil raju chettan, all the valliammas and valiachans and the 'peekiri pillers'(who have grown up today) . well the younger ones had their share of duty and fun too.. Me and krishna was mostly assigned to pluck flowers, & be a helping hand in the kitchen,.. the boys were send out to town to get things... then it was the night time were we had lots of fun with anthakshari , and a nice classical hit by padmini valiamma.. she has a great voice..
well to write about the ten day fun & laughter, i have to go really back around 15 yrs may be. god, its been 15 yrs since i saw these people.. i miss them all so much... i miss those times.. hope to get such times back again..
i hope they all remember me and stay in touch.. cause now its a busy world, and people who stay together itself, doesnt have time for each other..
giving a big thanks to appu mama, ambuja valiamma, the late bhaskara mama, raghu mama, raju mama, & my loving granny, for giving me such great cherishable moments in our tharavadu and being honoured to be a part of chengalath family..

love u all

i dont know why relations are going strained these days... Money is one matter.. and is to be blamed... if there is money u r the best of people around, if nothing with u , who are u?, is the question to be answered.. if there is anything u need, everyone has problems, if they need something , u ought to have something with u or else it would be a big mistake in life.. the next conversational line would be " oh! she is so well off and yet she says ,' she doesnt have money'". when will people try to accept a 'no' and an 'yes'??? nothing is permenant.. but what is there now is there still, we cannot change it.. whatever may be the problems we have to fight , even if there is worthiness or not, we have to accept changes..

No one can love each other these days. Those were the days that love could overrule anthing that matters, but now, just for the sake of saying, that i love him or i love her, we say.. but we are never true to anyone or true to ourself too.. just for the sake of 'society' , we say things that we never mean or can do.. its just ur saying..

i cant understand y all these are getting inside us to matter, y cant each person accept the way they are , or the situation they are in.. y dont people understand each other first rather than loving and caring...

boring day

today was such a boring day.. not even sun is bright or the crows are getting on my nerves.. and not to talk about the mosquitoes, just waiting to see the darkness around .. nothing comes into my mind , nothing is important today.. sleep is also not in the neighbourhood, food and clothing are done .. as far as housework is concerned everything is up to date... and still there is something lacking .. may be i have to kill some mosquitoes, or may be i have to redo those vessels , or may be i have to shut down this stupid computer ... talking about my pc, i say,
sitting in front of the computer, knowing that there is a tendency to become the biggest boredom of the day, i still wished and was searching something to do with the boring mind, hunting, not sure for what... i really dont know how people spend time without watching the realities of life..., it could be a blooming flower, or the cloud covering up the sky, or even the silliest of all, someone playing a prank....
well again another day would pass tommorow, without any plans, without kannan, boredom lying around here and there..

lonliness

What am I hoping for
What dreams do I have
I can see nothing on my way
Nothing overcame me

Life has become meaningless
Do not know what I gained
Sometimes u sit and cry
And u do not know the reason why

It may take seasons
It may take years
It may take a hell to try
Try me with all the happiness again

I caused no harm, I wished no life
Then y this sorrow if not any singing bird
I would have laughed away,
If I had heaven insight

hi

emerging from darkness... this is what my friend suggested to have a name when i write an autobiography... well i thought of writing some blogs first and then see what would happen... well hope that i do be true to myself first, before i start writing something... there would be quiet an amount of faithfull paragraphs that u may relate to.. so if u all feel that this is not right, do just forget about reading them...

today being a valentines day, its horrible to say that i did not get anything for my dear hubby.. but, is it neccessary that u should give something to ur dear to show that u love him or her.., i dont think so.. and after being in marriage for 8 yrs, there is no need to say whether love is still in the air..
but i wish all those couples who are ready to get to live along for their whole life a very happy secured life..